Life As I Knew It... or it it just lack of sleep?

Thank you all for your support on the new album, "A Shelter Of Peace." The emails and personal feedback I have received from many of you has been overwhelmingly positive and soul-nourishing for me. You remind me why I began creating music in the first place. If you have been enjoying the music, I encourage you to share your thoughts with others and post a review of the album on iTunes, Amazon, or CD Baby. These reviews help a great deal in establishing credibility with folks who have not yet heard my music.


Since last we spoke, our baby Sander has also grown... A LOT! He's almost 4 months old now and is over 17lbs. I'm not sure exactly who the father is, but I'm sure he was very tall... (just kidding) He's keeping us very busy and awake for many hours each day and night. I have to credit my wife Karen for being the one to get up to feed him frequently... ie about every hour or two depending on the night. Here's a recent photo of the little guy:




Maybe it's being a father, or maybe this lack of sleep just lends itself to an altered state of consciousness... but life as I knew it has definitely changed. It's no longer just about me. There's this other little being that depends on me to protect him and take care of him. It is a huge responsibility, but also an amazing opportunity to pass the things that I love about life onto someone else. And in the process, I learn to appreciate them again. I can't wait to see the things he is passionate about and the person he becomes. I can already tell that he is a joyful soul, and his laughter fills our sleep-deprived home...

Some other good news to share... I was recently chosen to participate in the Start Me Up AZ Fellowship. This is a group of young professionals in the Phoenix area who are committed to making a difference in the Jewish community. The group is led by Rabbi Darren Kleinberg, founder of Valley Beit Midrash. This promises to be an exciting opportunity to create some very real engagement in our community and beyond.

I am grateful for your support. I will keep you posted on new musical offerings as soon as they become available...

In somnia,
Todd

Letting Go

My grandmother is dying, and I'm doubtful that I will see her again. It is a sad moment, and also a time to think about letting go. My grandmother and I have been having pretty much the same conversation for the past 20 years or so. She asks how I am. I tell her what's going on and what I've been working on lately. She tells me that "somebody in this family has got to make it one of these days!" I ask how she is. She says, "What can I tell you, Todd? I'm getting older, my _______ hurts (fill in the blank here). It's hard for me to get around. But I don't like to complain... Then she reminds me that "whatever you do, with the RIGHT foot." And our conversation usually includes the old standard, "A person needs money, but money needs a person." I've spent years trying to figure this one out.

It is my impression that she has been ready to go ever since my grandfather died in 1980. But she is very stubborn, and despite her complaining, she doesn't give up easily. Now, it seems she has come to the point of no return. She has pneumonia again and is in hospice. They say it could be any day now that she leaves us. I know that I will miss her. And it is a reminder that I am growing older and that life must change and move on to new stages and new developments. I suppose it is also an opportunity and a chance to gain new perspective. I realize that I am now as old as my dad was when his father died.

I feel lucky to have had my grandmother this long. And I also know that in order to grow, it is necessary to let go of the life you are familiar with and venture out into the unknown. At this time of the year, as I prepare for the upcoming High Holidays, it's time to take stock of my life and to see what still fits and feels authentic and what no longer applies. It is a time of forgiveness... both of myself for having fallen short of expectations (my own and my grandmother's), and of others who, after all, are only human and are doing the best they can. Besides, holding on to negativity from the past only holds me back from becoming who I am capable of being in the world.

So, as I let go of my grandmother, I let go of those parts of myself that I no longer need. I let go of a piece of my childhood and open myself up to whatever comes next. The process is painful sometimes, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Pain is often the best tool for evolution, and it reminds me of what is truly important in life. I wish that kind of clarity and growth for all of us as we approach the New Year. Perhaps it's time for a new conversation...

In song,
Todd